Today I printed a lot of information. Information regarding trafficking and sextrafficking, but also some information about how to write and publish a book. Internet is flooded with good insights. Every header of every document screams how easy it is to write a book and publish it. It is just a step-by-step procedure, but the more I read the harder it all becomes. The layout of the book, the storyline, the plot, the characters and all the rules of writing. They want to influence, dictate and corrupt the story in my head in accordance with what pattern I have to write to be successful.
Why do I have to comply with al those rules to write my truth? My book is about liberation and redemption. What is freedom when there are rules around it?
I also bought a notebook. In this I have outlined the general storyline. I want to include promptings, memories and key words. Names.
My insecurity is suddenly grown huge. Now I have to write and add the deed to my word. Not only to justify my arrogance, to confirm the confidence that the environment has in me and above all attention to a serious problem. Everyone sincerely believes that it is possible, only I have to write first. They do not take me very seriously, just as they think it is ‘just’ a story within my unlimited state of mind. I want to scan them unevenly, but for this, I still have to write first.
The friends also told me to start with a single chapter, somewhere in the storyline. Just a start. If that is done then there is a direction regarding how much work it is, then there is a measurable reference.
For the time being I am gathering information. With this I justify the beginning, even though no letter has been written yet.